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businessinsider - 12 days ago

Scissoring, anal sex preparation, and 8 other things porn gets wrong about queer people

A lot of porn doesn t accurately represent of how people have sex. When it comes to queer sex, porn often exaggerates, misrepresents, or just gets it wrong entirely. Here are 10 myths about queer sex you may have picked up from watching porn. Visit Insider s homepage for more. Online porn is like the Wikipedia of sexual education. It s broadly acceptable as a basic overview of how everything works, but it doesn t always get it right. It s also crucial to get a more credible source to verify anything you may see, hear, or read. This is especially the case when it comes to representations of LGBTQ people in porn. A lot of mainstream porn isn t necessarily made for a queer audience, with sites specifically made for queer people few and far between. Some misrepresentations are so common that they ve even shaped popular perceptions of LGBTQ sex. Here are 10 things you may have gotten wrong about queer people from watching porn. Myth: Scissoring is real. Scissoring is not a thing. At least, not in the way that most porn portrays it. For those unfamiliar with the concept, scissoring is when two people with vaginas touch clitorises in order to stimulate each other. It is one of the most common ways queer people with vaginas typically cisgender lesbians are shown having sex. While a realistic version of scissoring called tribbing is actually used, the way porn portrays it is typically wrong, with a lot of forceful slamming of genitals and awkward positions that can t be comfortable for anyone.

Myth: Penetration happens with no preparation. Porn portraying queer men often fails to portray the preparation involved in anal sex, such as cleaning the area, using lube, and foreplay. According to Dr. Joseph Terlizzi, a colon and rectal surgeon, people who are bottoming or being penetrated during anal sex oftentime need to prepare their bodies before sex to make sure they don t get hurt. If your anus is too tightly contracted when you are first penetrated, you ll run the risk of tearing skin or damaging your sphincter, Terlizzi told Lighthouse: LGBTQ+ affirming care. That s why it s important to relax your anus before penetration using various foreplay techniques and to keep your anus relaxed and well-lubricated while bottoming. In real life, not preparing adequately can lead to an uncomfortable and painful experience for those bottoming.

Myth: Bisexual women want to have sex with everyone, all the time. Rooted in a type of misogynistic biphobia, the idea that bisexual women want to have sex with everyone all the time is false. In porn, bisexual women are oftentimes fetishized as their attraction to different genders is read as promiscuity. This translates to many bisexual women in porn being falsely portrayed as always wanting threesomes a common misconception. The idea that bisexual women are hypersexual bleeds into common myths, like the idea that bisexuality equals a higher sex drive, serial cheating, and a desire to have sex whenever and with whoever. Bisexual women, like everyone else, have individual desires and libidos.

Myth: Size really matters. A common trend in queer male porn is the idea that the bigger the penis, the better. But queer men have penises that come in all shapes, shades, and sizes and some men don t have penises at all. Preferences and bodies come in a range, so assuming all queer men are size queens and will only have sex with the largest penis in a three-block radius is just silly.

Myth: Women having sex with women must use a strap-on. Oftentimes, porn portraying queer women focuses heavily on penetration, specifically with a strap-on or a sex toy that attaches a dildo to a harness so that people can engage in hands-free penetration. But the idea that strap-ons are a part of sex between queer women every single time is inaccurate, and frames queer sex in a heteronormative way. In reality, sex can look lots of different ways for queer people with vaginas, and not all of them revolve around penetration. Oral sex, clitoral stimulation, dry humping, nipple play, and tribbing are just a few of the ways that queer people can get it on without penetration.

Myth: Trans women should be fetishized for their bodies, but not loved. Transgender women are sometimes made out to be objects in porn rather than people deserving of respect. When porn hyperfixates on a marginalized star s body size, race, gender, and/or capabilities, marginalized viewers take a toll, Ana Valens wrote for The Daily Dot. This is doubly the case for people who are regularly stereotyped as monstrous or grotesque, such as trans women. We come to believe that our bodies are fundamentally unlovable, or that they can only be desirable on another person s terms.

Myth: Lesbians just need the right man to change their minds. Despite what some of the top search results under Lesbian on Pornhub indicate, a real-life lesbian couple is not going to be seduced by the right mailman, pizza boy, or plumber unless the mailman, pizza boy, or plumber happens to be a woman. Then maybe. The idea that lesbians just need to find the right man to change their minds is invalidating and rooted in homophobia. It implies that female sexuality isn t to be taken seriously and men have the power to change someone s entire sexuality.

Myth: Masc people are always tops and femme people are always bottoms. A consistent theme in both porn featuring queer men and porn featuring queer women is the masc-femme dicotomy. Essentially, feminine-presenting people are framed as being the bottom, or the person the sex is done to, and masculine-presenting people are framed as being the top, or the person being assertive during sex. In reality, people can be tops, bottoms, or switches or people who are versitile in their sexual preferences regardless of their gender presentation.

Myth: All queer women are white, femme, and thin. Like other forms of media, porn tends to focus on thin, cisgender, white bodies. Queer porn is no exception. It s also rare to find gender non-conforming or more masculine-of-center queer women represented in mainstream porn, even though masc-of-center people make up a large portion of the queer population and are a preference for a lot of people that is ignored in mainstream porn.

Myth: Non-binary people don t exist. In order for stereotypes and myths to exist about a group of people, there needs to be enough representation of the group for people to form them. Non-binary porn stars are few and far between in the mainstream, with a great deal of porn only featuring cisgender people. But the population of out non-binary people is growing in the US. A 2016 UCLA study estimated that only 0.7% of teens identified as transgender (combining those identifying with a non-conforming gender and those identifying with a binary gender). Perhaps as this number grows and non-binary people are recognized more in the mainstream, the number of non-binary porn stars will grow. Read more: Bisexual people who are out to their partners may have worse sex because of bi-erasure How to use Lex, a queer dating app with no profile photos or cisgender men 5 ways to support transgender men and non-binary people during pregnancy

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